Large Hadron Collider Yields Long Sought Particle

The Large Hadron Collider has not yet started up again after last year's unfortunate accident. However, that has not kept scientists there from advancing the boundaries of our understanding of the universe's mysteries. The Onion Radio News reports today that LHC physicists have finally discovered the elusive "lady particle."

The LHC is the world’s most powerful particle accelerator. It has had its ups and downs--well, mostly downs, what with melting magnets and delays. But now with this phenomenal breakthrough, the LHC has proven itself worth every penny of the $8 billion that reportedly went into its construction.

The engineering of the LHC, including the calorimeters, highly sensitive superconducting magnets, and astonishing lengths of wire is phenomenally complex. However, according to LHC scientists in the Onion interview, finding the lady particle was a relatively straightforward undertaking: "including a hint of lavender in the collider's array of supercooled magnets may have contributed to the breakthrough."

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